Grab Your Hankies--It's Good for Your Soul

I've been writing about decluttering and sometimes relating it to bereavement. I don't spend all my time decluttering and even less grieving, but this is the time of year when I do remember my father's passing and make an effort to watch a film that deals with grief. Before this loss I never would go out of my way to watch a film and say, "Thank goodness that really showed loss." But in the last few years I've learned that we often lose opportunities to bring up grief as time goes on, yet we feel grief come up in small pieces here and there, especially when important dates roll around. It's hard to know if grief is welcome or appropriate after a certain amount of time, and it can be plain hard to access. That's why movies provide some occasional moments where we can release feelings we might be carrying around, perhaps unbeknownst to us.

I take special note of any good "grief movies" because today I feel grateful when I see a good one. (Nicholas Sparks sometimes fails us.) It can be a relief to see a film take on the universality of suffering that we all face--loss of loved ones. Yes, it sounds dark, but a good cry can be like a release and leave you feeling cleansed and even lighter. At any rate, here are a few of my top recommendations in no particular order if you're looking for catharsis and a good story:


1. Lars and the Real Girl--This story has a bizarre plot line that could scare some away. A young man works through his repressed grief for his deceased mother as he becomes attached to a human doll. Sounds crazy and disturbing, but as most who've seen it know, it's a beautiful story about a community laboring to help a man through his grief. Stars the lovely Ryan Gosling too. This was the first movie I watched where I realized I needed some time and space to just focus on grief--the everyday chores were taking over and I needed permission to just focus on my feelings through the story of someone else's loss. I know tons of peers who also love this movie just as a film in general.

2. The Family Stone--This is a good one for dealing with the Christmas holidays without a family member. It's an offbeat story and a bit dark and quirky, but you sympathize with the family as they learn they're losing one of their own. Plus it has some funny moments and a good cast including Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, and Dermott Mulroney.

3. The Boys are Back--I have no clue how Netflix found this one for me. This movie sold me on Clive Owen. A man takes on the role of single father to his two boys. Set in the outback of Australia, you see the difficulties and frustrations as this pack of men struggle to become a new family unit. This is a real bereavement film because loss moves the plot from the get-go, but I liked how it shows the process of a family adjusting to a new way of life. Also has good acting, funny moments, and distinct Australian scenery.


4. Shadowlands--Okay, so I saw this one ages ago and already knew it was a great movie. But some of the lines about loss still resonate with me. The story of C.S. Lewis and his rather surprising marriage late in life is worth seeing, and I remember the English countryside as gorgeous. Stars the great Sir Anthony Hopkins. Very British, very repressed, and worthy of many Kleenexes.


5. Hachi: A Dog's Tale--So this one had me crying when I saw the trailer. Put dogs and loss together and you have a snotfest. Richard Gere plays the middle-aged owner of Hachi, a lovely Akita. If you saw the trailer, you'll know the plot revolves around Hachi's loyalty to his owner. The story is based on the real Japansee Hachi who waited faithfully for his master for many years after the owner was gone. Directed by Lasse Hallestrom, rated G and a great film for dog lovers. 

6. Disney's Up--This is a late addition to this post that I forgot about. I had no idea what to expect from this movie and was shocked at how it blatantly tackles bereavement while still being an animated children's movie. The beautiful message is that while we grieve, sometimes it is okay to move on to newer adventures and relationships. That's probably why it was such a successful film.


I watch more comedies than dramas, but I am thankful for movies like these. Plus the ones I've listed have enough warm moments to make you glad you saw them. I don't like darkness for darkness's sake, but sometimes it feels right to tune into someone else's grief story and enjoy the moment of relating to their feelings. I'm sure that's what makes good art good in many instances--when we can relate on some important level, it becomes much more meaningful.

And if you want to think of it as decluttering your grief, it is important to clear out any backed up feelings from time to time. This can lead to better health and resiliency.


For more grief movies, you can google "movies" and "bereavement" to see much more comprehensive lists. If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment.